In my past life, visits to the park were something I only read about. Other parents would spend meaningful, quality time pushing their kiddos on swings and chatting with other moms, forging relationships and allowing their children to soak in some Vitamin D. I never ventured to that side of mom-hood. Since I worked, I found it quite easy to brush off requests due to limited hours of daylight, school activities, sport activities, and just because I was too freaking tired.
Also, with living in BFE, we do not have a community park. This meant the closest one was 30 minutes away. With that being said, I had to admit that I was now in a position to fulfill such desires. Since I have the honor of spending all my waking moments catering to my lovely household and their demands, I acknowledged Diva Child’s request and headed to the park.
Granted, we had a time limit of 45 minutes….but I felt that baby steps were in order.
Before I even parked the car, I was rewarded with the biggest smile and a chattering that did not stop for another 4 hours. She led me to the big kid’s area and I went to park my rear on a shaded bench. Between timing how long she spun on a spinning disc contraption and watching her scale a rope wall, I decided that this wasn’t so bad. I could handle this park thing. No biggie.
That was until she requested my presence on the other end of a teeter-totter. Laughing, I suggested that she might need to find a person 30 years my junior…….and maybe a few pounds lighter. She said no, she wanted ME on the other end of this daunting piece of equipment.
Needless to say, I climbed on……knowing this would not be a boost to my self-esteem and I should not have had that cookie at lunch…….or eaten anything……EVER.
With my daughter laughing, as she was lifted towards the sky, I realized that I do this every day. I teeter between life, motherhood, supporting my husband, starting a writing career, strengthening friendships, being an attentive daughter, and trying to be an individual…….all at the same time.
My writing ideas don’t conveniently arrive when I am on the up side, they happen when I am sitting on the nasty playground sand, staring up at my life. They sneak in when I am gripping the handle trying not to sink in whatever is below.
I enjoy seeing Diva Child laugh. I find peace with her amazement of simply….just playing. As a mom, I am teetering all the time. I try so hard to keep my kids on the upside, where they can enjoy the sunshine and laughter in life. I am accustomed to sitting below watching and being prepared to catch them if they fall. There are times when I want to desperately climb up into their seat and soak in the freedom. But who will balance them if I do this?
Life is a giant teeter-totter, where I try to find my balance. Some days are harder than others. Some days, I barely remember if I ever stopped teetering. But in between, I know there will be more Park Days andthose passing moments that consist of pure happiness.
I realize that I am enchanted with the view of what balances me. Whether it’s a toothy smile, mounds of writing, or mountains of dirty clothes……I know I am not ready to get off.
I think I’ll continue to enjoy my view and keep teetering.