This is my ground floor. My starting point. Going up and entering unfamiliar terrain is frightening. Fear causes my hands to sweat and my lungs to restrict. My eyes roam the room, wondering if anyone can sense my hesitation. Do they see the way my body vibrates with anticipation?
My goal is to become a published writer. That previous sentence took me hours to write. Being a writer, takes guts. Some believe it's easy. Others have attempted and failed. I am competing with brilliant minds and others who have more experience.
I am not writing for the world. I am writing for me. As long as I am happy with what I am doing, then that is enough. (I should print this out and wall paper my office with it.)
There will be plenty of bumps, twists and turns while I am going up. I may want to jump off this crazy ride, but I have vowed that I will forge ahead, no matter what.
It's About Time
At 37, I decided to shatter my pre-conceived notion of being like everyone else is mynormal. Working in an office job allowed me to live. Pay the bills. Put food on the table.
I achieved success and felt accomplished, although there was something missing. A void. A nagging unfulfilled yearning. For a long time, I was embarrassed to admit that.
Writing was a hobby. Something I did by the faint glow of my bedside lamp. Releasing tension and contemplation were a temporary satisfaction squished between mommy obligations and life's ability to test the boundaries of my sanity.
Even before the adulthood, I would unleash my pen to numerous sheets of paper and the outcome astounded me. It also made me feel vulnerable and very raw. Unfortunately, these emotions were crammed into desk drawer.
For 25 years, this was my normal. Hiding a hobby. Covering up what some said was a talent. It’s time to open the drawer, set my words free, and figure out where I want my wings to take me. Taking this journey to share my thoughts, experiences, and chaos scares the crap out of me. Being petrified that someone will not agree with my views or like what I write, is my Achilles heel.
Leaving the ground floor, going up above the barriers I set is freaking HARD. But....it is necessary.