I am feeling a bit anxious about having my children all to myself for the first time since my last maternity leave….almost 9 years ago. I am not counting weekends, extended holidays, or vacations. We have these down to a science. My time has been spent wondering how many other parents are taking this plunge. Leaving the busy working world outside the home to spend time with their kids? How many are trying to juggle a fledgling dream while trying to figure out how to tolerate the kids 24/7?
Are there support groups that we SAHM newbies can attend? Do I get a special coin or reward if I survive these next 3 months? Who can help me with the important questions I have?
Should I have visited my doctor for anxiety meds?
Are cocktails allowed at any hour? If not, what hour is acceptable?
I had relished being able to flip off the “Mom” switch (or at least dimming it a bit) while I headed off to work. Yes, I still received those phone calls regarding where they placed their shoes, if I ate the last cookie, and if they could have a friend over. But, once I answered their questions I could disconnect again. I would arrive back around 5:30 and flip the switch back on for a few hours. Then it was bed time and I was “off” again.
These “off” times were filled with exhaustion and guilt. Guilt that I was not home with my kids. Guilt that I was OK with not being home. Exhaustion from leading 2 lives: My work life and home life……with a majority of my day spent with my work family.
Be Careful of What You Ask For……
I asked for this. I begged for the opportunity. I looked my husband in the eye 6 months ago and told him, “It’ll be no problem! I can do it. Trust me.”
Fast forward 6 months…….
Me: “Only 1 more week left! Are you excited?”
Middle Child: “Mom, we only have 2 ½ more days. We get out Wednesday, not Friday.”
Me: “You don’t go until next Friday?”
Middle Child: “No. Mom. And don’t forget Wednesday is a half-day….”
Me: “Well, crap……” Summer had not even started and I already had one mark against me.
A piece of cake….right? (Just nod and humor me….)
Super Mom is a fictional character we like to conjure up in our minds. This dream is unrealistic and often causes us to feel more discouraged than we already are. I have accepted that I am real and that’s alright. I am not, nor will I ever be a SUPER MOM. My kids love me just the same……I hope. Pushing doubt aside is difficult. There are books to better prepare me for this adventure, but I am winging it. I have successfully raised three kids without once losing them or giving them away….so far. And I feel accomplished that I have 1 child that is technically an adult and I have never had to bail her out of jail. Who needs a stinking book!? There will be bumps, bruises, scratches and the occasional screaming but I have faith that our household will make it. I am clueless about how the dynamics will change by having the kids ALL day without hubby as a buffer. Or having school to provide constant interaction. I have booked a few camps, so hopefully this will allow us some time apart to regroup and remember that we love each other. (Keep your fingers crossed!)
Top 3 Summer Goals in BFE
1.) Blogging a bit more and share my adventures and mishaps.
2.) Start my book and possibly fail a few times. (see last week’s post)
3.) Enjoy my kids and treasure the laughter, tears, and time.