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New Beginnings

Diva was dropped off first. She walked ahead, confident and dressed in her new clothes. Her blonde hair, straight and thick, shined in the morning sun. My fingers itched to check for invisible tangles. But, I resisted.

I secretly snapped a picture, as I followed behind.

As I write this, I become melancholy.  This is Diva’s last first day of elementary school and also her 10th birthday. The window for hand holding and cuddly, adolescent hugs is closing quickly.  Double digits have brought about pictures with no-teeth smiles and an independence that reminds me of my own youth. (Again, sorry Mom.....)

 

We entered the brightly colored halls, adorned with cheer. The air turned electric as teachers welcomed each student. Hugs were given, tears were shed by some, and little hands waved.

I continued following Diva until we reached her class. As her secret service entourage, her brother and I  followed close……but not too close.  We knew our place. Luckily, I was granted a brief hug before she crossed the threshold and began her day.

Middle Child was dropped off next. He is in high school this year. So, basically, I am the transportation service. (And at times, the loan shark.)

As I drive, I glimpse at him sitting next to me. He has changed over the past year. No longer a little boy, I note the beginnings of an adult-like quality.  Suddenly, I feel the pang every mother experiences.

Pulling up to the school, I resisted tears. I  asked if he wanted me to walk him in......even though I already knew his answer. He flashed me his signature grin as he gathered his bags. Shaking his head, he stepped from the car. His "goodbye" cut short by the closing of the door.

As with Diva, I knew my place. To stay behind the wheel and not get too sappy.

College Child began her semester, as well.   I received a brief frantic phone call and a few texts. All seemed to fall into place for her - for the most part. She lives on her own,  so I am not privy to all her comings and goings.

Believe me.....this is definitely a blessing. (Just tell me where to send the check, honey.)

I raised these children.  They will be okay.

Each one will grow, learn and adapt as they have every year before.

Now it’s my turn.

The summer of 2015 is already a blur. For the past few hours, I have been busy clawing my way through the walls constructed during the summer months. My fingers feel numb and my head is throbbing, but I am pushing forward and finishing this post.

I can see a light. It’s dim, but I feel its warmth.

Through the cracks and crevices, I see my life circling. A gentle buzzing vibrates throughout the remaining confines of my summer hiatus.

Ideas leak. Drop by drop. Filling pages.

I breakthrough and breathe in the familiarity.

As my children adjust to their new schedules, I will be adjusting to my own new beginnings. Some are a continuation of where I left off. A few are new and will be revealed in time.

Surprisingly, all was not lost by taking a break. I have a new vision for my blog. Writing no longer feels like a weight hanging around my neck and the confidence in the story I want to write has returned.

Even the children were happy to have my undivided attention, as we enjoyed the final days of summer.

By the time this post goes live -  classes will fill my calendar and a story that has been quietly simmering will have a few added ingredients.

As the saying goes.......everything happens for a reason.

 

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