Sifting through the cobwebs of my thoughts. Sticky, jumbled and convoluted…..each one holds a memory. Some light, easy to store. Many are dark and heavy and unwelcome. Untangling intruders is complicated. Once I free them from their confinement, I quickly move forward. Never looking back to see where they fall.
I have no excuses for hoarding the heavy baggage that only served as a magnet. Pulling in unwelcome sadness, contempt, and self-pity.
How long can one walk in silence before surrendering? Waving that pristine, white flag seems like an easier option. I find myself turning emotions on and off, like a radio dial. Pleasing others. Saluting the masses. These spear-like vices saw away at the bitterness that seems to hold tight.
Let the Sticky, Yucky Crap Go
With the new found space, I discover my craving for solace and contentment. Balance is essential. However, a road map to peace does not exist. A destination that erases all reality is only a fantasy.
Walking around in life, I am alone in the middle of a muted, grey storm. The wind carries hints of sadness and hopelessness, grazing my skin. Urging me to move on. I can’t resist watching each of my emotions crash into me, much like waves colliding against protruding rocks at the shore.
With each step, I listen. My bruised, bare feet feel numb as I travel the haggard terrain. My steps echoing a harshness straight through to my soul. Spear-like vices sawing away at the bitterness that seems to hold tight.
I resist the urge to stop. Gathering strength to see and feel all my emotions is consuming me, yet I continue to place one foot in front of the other.
Realizing the storm will lift when I take control…
I turn up my tear soaked face, allowing nature to dry my tears. Turning my view inward, I recognize my destination. It is my today, my tomorrow and my forever that I have misplaced.
It is clear. I must accept what I have been fighting so hard against. My map is for me to create. For no one has the same destiny.